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The Death of my Handshake

Posted April 7, 2011 @ 2:20pm | by Anne

When you own a restaurant, actually, any business, you tend to shake a lot of hands. (If you're Ellen, our bartender, you also kiss a lot of babies...but that's another story). This is perfectly fine with me, I like shaking hands. I'm quite proud of my handshake. Somehow my parents instilled in me, maybe as a youngster,  the importance of a good firm grip, and it's been instrumental in making people believe that they are meeting a more important person than they are....

A good firm grip has become my signature move. When you grow up both an only child and a horse rider, it's like your parents have just written you the kiss of death contract for future social situations. It's convenient to have that good handshake in your arsenal; you can make a quick, confident impression, and then slip away and return to awkward and uncomfortable.

So imagine my dismay several weeks ago when after an unfortunate dog-walking accident I've been left without my one reliable trick in my bag.

The doctors told me I told my tore my blah, blah, blah ligaments in my pinkie finger. Basically all the outer ligaments in my pinkie, in more formal terms.

I just knew that all of a sudden I had no more grip in my right hand. No Bueno.

Because it happens to be rude in our society to not offer up a hand in return when asked to be engaged in a handshake, my current situation looks a little like this;

This is painful, and lately I'm noticing that I might even be visibly grimacing as I'm shaking hands. Possibly not the facial expression expected by the handshaker.

That's option number one. Option number two is less attractive and involves something I call the 'dead fish'. Wherein you insert a flacid, limp hand and just sort of let it linger there for a minute.

I have been told I have 6 months of this; either grimacing or dead-fishing. I'm not too happy about it. In the meantime I might just stay hidden behind the pizza station where I can comfortably wave. Waving is fine. Just don't be offended. Me and my dead fish will be okay, just hiding out, meeting no one.

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